Taking a Break

Happy holidays, all! I cannot believe it's Christmas Eve! I'm at work for part of the day today, so it totally doesn't feel like it's Christmas tomorrow.

I went to the doctor yesterday. I did not get a Cortisone shot, because the doctor thought more rest would be better. Through all of his tests, I had no pain, so he's perplexed as to why I had pain on my run. He suggested wearing my knee brace to run from now on. So I'm going to rest until 2009, and then I'll try to run again. If my knee is still flaring up, then I'll get the shot right before we leave for Disney.

I probably won't blog much until after the holidays. I'm going to focus on resting and not thinking about running or the race. Instead I'm focusing on the great things that happened in 2008:

1. I got a new, amazing job.
2. Michael passed his LEED certification exam.
3. We expanded our family to include Boots Marmion, another massive orange cat.
4. I ran two half-marathons and exceeded my personal longest distance with an 18.5 mile run on 12/6/08.
5. We raised $4,265.00 to help eradicate blood cancers!!
5. Many of our friends got married, engaged, or had babies.
6. We have a wonderful family and more great friends than we can count.
7. We're healthy and happy.

That's the important stuff. I hope you all have a nice list of things to be happy about from 2008, and here's to a fantastic 2009!

This Could Be It

I went out for my test run this morning. I got a mile in and was in the exact same amount of pain again. I walked home and realized, this might be the end. And that's ok. I know it's disappointing for everyone and for me, but what can I do? I think my body's telling me it got as far as it can for now.

This was never about running a marathon for me. That was just an incentive, because I love to run almost as much as I love a challenge. This has been a really hard journey, and this might be the end of it.

I'm going to see my doctor on Tuesday, and I suspect he'll confirm this. And again, that's ok. Disney World will always be there. Hopefully, cancer will not be, and whether or not I cross that finish line won't change that either way. But the money we raised will.

I watched the end of one of my favorite movies, "It's a Wonderful Life," before my run this morning. I cried, as usual. My favorite line expresses exactly how I'm feeling right now:

"No man is a failure who has friends." Thank you all for being my friends. I love you all so much. I hope I made you proud. Merry Christmas.

Does this make me a yogi?

Status update: I'm feeling pretty good. (Knock on every piece of wood you can find right now!) I've been doing the recommended stretches, which take about 10 minutes, three times a day. I've been taking Motrin and icing my knee, even though it's not hurting anymore nor is it swollen. It's not even as tender when I press on it. I haven't felt any pain walking down stairs in days. I'm not wearing the knee brace. I think I am getting the rest I need.

Plus, I've done yoga 3 times since the injury started. I adore yoga. I know I'm not even working off one of the many cookies I had last night, but not only do I feel focused and refreshed, but I feel stronger. I think I have to work that into my new routine, which will involve LESS running beginning January 12.

I'm going to try to run on Saturday. I'll be doing a tenth of what my teammates are, but I've finally come to grips with that. Michael and I are going to go out leisurely, and we'll see how I feel with new shoes (that I've walked about 5 miles in) and stretching before and after. Then if that feels ok, the plan is to do a short, 3-mile run on Monday, and then I see my doctor on Tuesday. Then I might rest again until our 10-mile run the following Saturday. By then, I'm hoping I'll be back to normal. If I'm not, I'll force myself to rest some more.

I've received such an outpouring of support from my family, friends, even people I've never met. I don't deserve it, but it has REALLY helped me through this. Dad says this is my badge of honor now.

And the BEST news----Team in Training asked me to be a mentor next season!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so excited!! I cannot wait to meet the new team. At least I'll have some good stories for them now.

All I want for Christmas is for my knees not to hurt.

10607

I was logging in to post something, and I was entering my password, which includes "10607," our wedding date. This changed the entire feeling behind my post. Be thankful for what you got, Therese.

I went to the best sports doc in Philadelphia tonight, and he said I should not run the 20 miles this Saturday. The original title for this post was 12/20/08, because I have been dreading/excited about this date since I got my training schedule. He wants me to rest. I might get a Cortizone shot in my knee next week so I can do the marathon.

The most discouraging thing he said? "If you can't do 10 miles, you can't do 26.2." Excuse my French, but screw that. I'm doing it no matter what. I'm taking a break, a well-deserved one and coach-approved, and I'm running a freakin marathon in a few weeks. I don't care if my leg falls off.

It stinks. This isn't how I planned it. When do I get to rest on my laurels? But as my husband reminded me, this is part of my journey. I'm never, ever taking this journey again. Right now I feel a bit lost on my journey. But it will make the finish line (God willing I make it to the start) that much sweeter.

I'm not going to be down about this. Screw this. Again, excuse my French, but I wish I had a Size 10 shoe to throw at my doctor. We all came too far. We have to see this through.

My husband, who promised to take me out on a 2-mile run on Saturday, thinks I can do it, so I do also. God knows he's gotten through worse than an illiotibial band strain.

A Long Walk

I went out for our 9 mile run this morning. Our coach and I decided that this would be a test run. If I didn't feel right, I'd go back.

At about mile 2.25, I realized that I was doing more harm than good, and I made the very hard decision to go back. I thought I'd run the rest of the way back. I couldn't do it. My knee, even with the brace on, hurt. My other knee has started to hurt in the same way.

I walked over two miles in the wind and freezing cold, and I cried. I passed all of my landmarks that always make me so happy at Cooper River--the hotel where we got engaged, the dog park that's always filled with adorable pooches, the parking lot right before the one I park in when I know that I'm almost done with my run and start to congratulate myself. It broke my heart. This walk took 30 minutes. I wanted to run, because I was so cold, but I couldn't. I did a lot of soul-searching out there all alone. Unfortunately, I didn't find much except a massive feeling of failure.

I have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday, and I'm not attempting to run until then. My coach suggested I take the week off, which I will probably do. Our 20 mile run is scheduled for next Saturday, and I really want to be able to do that.

I cannot tell you how awful I feel. It's like there's this bad thing hanging over my head all of the time. I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong. I can't figure out why it won't get better.

I don't feel like myself anymore. I've come to define myself through my running. I don't like changing my routine. I miss my shorter, solitary runs. I feel broken, bad, wrong, alone. I feel like a failure.

I know I have friends and family members out there who read this, and I don't want you to worry or feel like you need to cheer me on. I'll be fine. I just needed to get these feelings out. I hope that in a month, I'll read this and wonder why the heck I was so upset. I pray that will happen.

I guess this is the hard part

I went out for my scheduled 4 miles this morning, the last back-to-back mid-week run on the schedule, and I had to turn back after a mile. I eeked out 2.25 miles at a 9:05/mile pace. I could have gone longer, but my knee hurt from start to finish, so I thought I shouldn't aggravate it anymore.

I'm frustrated. I feel like I'm doing all of the right things, but it's still not cooperating. I left a message for my sports doc, so hopefully he can give me some advice. Now my other knee is getting achey.

The hardest part is dealing with the unknown. I don't know if I should wear a knee brace, change my shoes again, stop running, etc, etc. I wish someone could just tell me how it's going to turn out, because I feel like I'm not in control of anything.

While I had my personal pity party this morning, my husband reminded me how proud he was of me. Between my tears about how I was going to let everyone down and how I would be ruining our vacation if I can't do the marathon, he just kept saying how proud he was of me.

Then I'm reminded of people being diagnosed with blood cancers. Talk about the unknown and not having control. Maybe I should count my blessings more.

So that's it. Deal with the unknown. I feel like a failure, but I know I'm not. I may not run the 20 miles next Saturday. I may not run the marathon. Anything can happen. I'll just keep on keeping on and hope that God and my knees will allow me to cross the finish line. It's hard not to feel discouraged when you've trained for so long, but I should be proud of how far I've come, right?

If I make it, this will be my one and only marathon. This stuff is for the birds.

Back to training

I went out this morning for my scheduled 5 mile run. It started well. It was 60 degrees at 6am, which was a nice change. It was raining, but I don't mind running in the rain too much. About a mile in, I was doing an 8:35-mile and I felt good. Then I started to feel a little nagging pain in my knee. Pretty much all of the muscles in my legs are sore from the 18-mile run on Saturday and the yoga I did yesterday. My abs are killing me from yoga, but that means it was working. However, because I was tentative about my knee, and a little annoyed, I slowed down a bit. It didn't feel bad or worse than it's felt before. I was just used to about 24 hours of no pain at all, so I was annoyed that I felt anything. I was wearing my knee brace. At about mile 4, I had to stop twice to stretch out and kind of "pop" my knee back into place. As the doctor explained yesterday, the IT band gets moved out of its correct place on your knee, and that's why you feel pain in that spot. I found that if I just moved it back a little, the pain subsided. And when I got home, I walked down the stairs without my knee brace on, and I had no pain. I could not have done that last week, so I see that as a good sign. I'm wearing this brace all of the time, just in case. It ruined my plan to wear a skirt today, but that's alright.

I wound up finishing the 5 miles at an average of 9:35-min/mile. That's slower than I've been on short runs in a long time, but that's ok. Every part of me kind of hurts now, abs, shoulders, arms, quads, etc. I'm supposed to run 4 miles tomorrow. This is the last week with 3 training runs, and I already skipped one, so I'm going to go for the 4 tomorrow morning. I'll rest on Friday and not work out at all, and then we have 9 miles on Saturday morning. I'll see how everything feels during the 4 miler tomorrow, and if I have to stop, I'll stop. It's so hard to force myself to rest, but I have to do it. One month until race day!

Great News!

I saw a sports doctor this morning, and he said I'm fine to continue my training, and I should be fine for the marathon. PHEW! I currently have no pain. I skipped the training run scheduled for Monday and opted for 30 minutes on the elliptical. I also did yoga this morning, which seems to have really helped. I don't feel sore at all from the 18 mile run on Saturday. I feel no pain at all in my knee, even when I go down stairs. The doctor thinks my knee was just aggravated, not injured, which is such great news. I'm going to try for 5 miles tomorrow and see how I feel.

Thanks to all of you who offered advice, pain relievers, and prayers. It worked! I feel such support from my family and friends, and I could not be more grateful.

18 Miles

Alison, you were right. I had a great run this morning! For the first time I feel like I can do a marathon. I'm not going to lie, this was my longest run ever, and it was pretty hard. My brain was good to go. Having Gail and Chris by my side the entire time made the time pass so quickly. My knee felt ok. Towards the end, I would get some twinges of pain, but it was never severe pain in the least. It actually felt best when I was in my zone and going. Stopping anf starting wasn't as comfortable.

We did 18 miles in about 3 hours and 15 minutes. There were some bathroom and refreshment breaks, but overall, we were between a 9:45 and 10-min mile pace throughout. We stayed consistent, which was key. Gail and Chris are two of the most positive people I knew, so the conversation was light and happy even in the hardest moments (another hill on Forbidden Drive??). At about Mile 4, I was screaming quotes from "Wedding Crashers," (MOM! The meatloaf!) By Mile 13, we could hardly believe we ONLY had 5 miles to go and were congratulating ourselves on finishing a half-marathon. At around Mile 16.5, I was done. My mind just went, "Therese, for reals? This is ridonk. I'm outtie." So it left, and I zoned out. Following my two buddies was the only thing that got me through.

They ran up the Rocky steps at the end, but I chose not to. The steps up wouldn't have been a problem, but I have my worst pain when I go down stairs. I cheered them on, and yes, this is embarrassing, I started crying. Just a little. I had been so nervous about this run, and I could not believe we did it. As Gail ran down the steps to give me a hug, I felt and said that this is the happiest I've been in a long time. What a feeling.

I did an ice bath (seriously, I love them!) when I got home and took a nice nap. I'm definitely sore, but I think my old shoes are to blame. I was too superstitious to wear my new ones, but I think that was the last run with my old tried-and-trues. The best part is that all day, my wonderful husband keeps saying, "I'm so proud of you." I still don't think he gets that I do all of this for him, so hearing those words makes every step worth it.

Thanks for your love and prayers. We did it!

Your Words Are My Strength

It's 6:45am. In a little over an hour, I'll start my biggest run to date, 18 miles. I'm nervous. I saw the doctor yesterday, and he thinks I'm doing all of the right things for my knee and will be fine. My pain when he was checking my range of motion was minimal. The knee brace I got has really helped. I'm going to see a sports doc on Tuesday, so no matter what happens today, I'll have some medical support early next week.

Because I was feeling a little scared, I decided to go to my webpage and reread all of the amazing things people posted on my page when they made donations. All this week, I have been feeling badly that I might be letting all of these people down if I can't do the race. This morning I realized that this is not the case at all. I remembered the reason I'm doing this. It's not to win, it's to finish. It's to put a mark on the fight against blood cancers. I was so inspired by the words of my family and friends, and I remembered that we have already accomplished an even bigger goal--raising almost $4,300 for research! I'm going to go kick some you-know-what this morning for all of you!

Personal Pep Talk

Ok, so I'm an injured runner. I probably have an ITB injury in my right knee. It's one of the most common overuse injuries, but it's got me SO down. I know I can get through the run this weekend, but I'm nervous about it getting worse. I have 3 more big runs...18 miles on Sat, 20 miles on 12/20, and 26.2 miles in Disney. I want to be able to do them without pain. I don't know if I can. I'm scared.

More than that, I'm frustrated. I'm so damn close to the end. DAMN this! Come on! Of course it makes sense that this is when I would get injured, but it's so annoying. I am angry at my body. I just wanted to do this. I am obsessing and I need some perspective. I have to stop feeling sorry for myself.

So that's it. I will finish. I will. I will always be a runner, even if I have to take a break, even if I have to walk, even if I can't compete. I raised the money, I'm helping people, this isn't all for nothing. I will do this.

Now I just have to read this every time I walk down stairs in pain and curse my right leg and start to cry.

39 Days!

Wow, I cannot believe how close the marathon is! We got a bunch of information about the event weekend today. Breakfast at 2:15am on race day. Yikes! I'm so excited.

I went out with my new kicks for the first time this morning. They are great. I had a really good run. I did 5 miles without stopping halfway through, which I always do. I ran an 8:47 average mile and finished in 44 minutes. Another contributing factor to my good run was that I bought new headphones last night. They're the kind that hook around your ear so that they don't fall out. I swear, I was pushing those earbuds back in my ears every 1/2 mile with my old ones. I had no idea what a difference that would make. Plus, I had Michael with me. He did almost his entire 2 miles without stopping. I told him he's a serious runner now. I'm sure his new iPod helped his motivation also. It was a cold morning, but not windy. That made a big difference.

My right knee is a little twitchy. That's the best way to describe it. It's not sore. It feels out of whack, like I need to pop it back to its happy place or something. It hurts when I walk and go down stairs, but it felt fine to run on. I'll take it easy in preparation for our 18-mile run this weekend.

Here's a picture of most of my awesome team. We all went out to dinner two Sundays ago after the Philly Marathon. I did the half, and our coach, Gary (second in on left), did the full. His wife, Bobbi (third in on left), is a walk coach. I don't know what TNT would do without this dynamo duo! And I don't know what I'd do without all of these guys. Thanks for the picture, Ed!

Bad Blogger

The holiday this weekend has made me super lazy with this blog. Since my last entry, I've had 3 training runs. On Thursday, yes I worked out on Thanksgiving, I went with Kristin and Kara to a Zumba class at Kristin's gym in Toms River. Wow, it was the most fun I've ever had in a class. I had never heard of it before. I hope my gym gets in with the Zumba soon. It's basically a dance/cardio class, but it's so much fun. Sure, I'm not going to be hired as a backup dancer for Britney's new tour, but I had fun. There was a wide range of types of people there, and we had a blast. Then we ate lots of yummy food and had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

On Friday morning, Michael and I went to the local community college and ran on the track. I did 4 miles without stopping, which I don't usually do. I averaged an 8:32-minute mile! Michael did really well also. His high-five every time I passed him definitely helped me power through 16 laps around the track.

Then on Saturday morning, I did 8 miles. It was a little bit of a struggle, because I had essentially done cardio 4 days in a row leading up to Saturday. Also, I have a wicked cold. All in all though, I did a sub 9-min mile throughout, and I felt good. Then it was off to NY for more Thanksgiving gorging and family fun.

This morning I was really not feeling great. Now I'm coughing also. It was warmer out, about 50 degrees, and Michael came out with me. I did 4 miles at an average of 8:42/mile. I'm going to reward myself by getting some new sneaks today. I am in desperate need of new ones. According to my running journal, I have logged over 300 miles since the middle of August, and I've had these sneakers since January. Oops.

TNT also asked me to apply to be a team mentor next season. I am honored. It was a great experience last year, so I hope I can help again.

I need another cough drop...