I went out for my scheduled 4 miles this morning, the last back-to-back mid-week run on the schedule, and I had to turn back after a mile. I eeked out 2.25 miles at a 9:05/mile pace. I could have gone longer, but my knee hurt from start to finish, so I thought I shouldn't aggravate it anymore.
I'm frustrated. I feel like I'm doing all of the right things, but it's still not cooperating. I left a message for my sports doc, so hopefully he can give me some advice. Now my other knee is getting achey.
The hardest part is dealing with the unknown. I don't know if I should wear a knee brace, change my shoes again, stop running, etc, etc. I wish someone could just tell me how it's going to turn out, because I feel like I'm not in control of anything.
While I had my personal pity party this morning, my husband reminded me how proud he was of me. Between my tears about how I was going to let everyone down and how I would be ruining our vacation if I can't do the marathon, he just kept saying how proud he was of me.
Then I'm reminded of people being diagnosed with blood cancers. Talk about the unknown and not having control. Maybe I should count my blessings more.
So that's it. Deal with the unknown. I feel like a failure, but I know I'm not. I may not run the 20 miles next Saturday. I may not run the marathon. Anything can happen. I'll just keep on keeping on and hope that God and my knees will allow me to cross the finish line. It's hard not to feel discouraged when you've trained for so long, but I should be proud of how far I've come, right?
If I make it, this will be my one and only marathon. This stuff is for the birds.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
Anyone who has spent any time around you knows what an wonderful person you are, so I feel like I can speak for all your friends and family when I say we are all incredibly proud of you! You have accomplished so much with your training and in raising money for a good cause - no matter what else happens, that is something to celebrate!
--Alison
Therese, I have to back Ali up here. Please let us know if there's anything we can do and hang in the best you can! You are awesome!
While I wish we could do more, I also know well enough that this is your fight and your struggle. I also think, no matter what, you've already conquered it. You've done the fundraising, which in and of itself is a huge achievement. You've put a ton of miles on those shoes. You've trained, you've learned about yourself and you may have lost a skirmish or two but you've already won this war. Seriously!
Good luck.
I wish I had the time to dig through my livejournal archives, because I could probably dig up 3 or 4 posts identical to this one. Same with any other runner who's training for something so big and so hard, and especially your first, where it really means so much to you. The good news is, nearly everyone ends up able to do the race, and most are thrilled with their results. That's obviously not always going to be the case.. one of my running partners was supposed to run the California International Marathon last weekend but couldn't because she's had an injury for weeks now that they can't even really give her a name or cause for. You should see some of the understandably angsty mails I've gotten from her.
But anyway.. point here is that you're taxing your body heavily in your training, and injuries are common. All you can do is exactly what you're doing, but the important thing is to try to stay positive. You're entering into the Taper Madness phase, where even with no injuries, every twinge will feel like a marathon-ender. A real injury can really mess with your head.
In the end, this is just a marathon. I know it means a lot, and with 99% certainty you'll be out there kicking its ass, but running it doesn't define who you are. What defines who you are is the time and dedication you've put into the training, the effort you've put into the fund-raising. The love you obviously have for your cause, your husband, your family and friends. That's what makes this stuff worth it. The marathon.. well, you'll be asking yourself at mile 21 why you EVER thought this would be a good idea, so enjoy the training as much as you can, so it's all worth it. :)
And once you cross that finish line (and you will), or maybe a few months later, you'll forget what you said at the end there, and start figuring out what everyone else is signing up for next.
Geez. Can you tell (a) that I care about this subject, and (b) that I've been there before?
Okayokay, I dug up one post (of many around that time). This is when I was training for my first marathon. And evidently having ITB problems, and also, it seems, bronchitis.
http://shubbe.livejournal.com/2006/01/22/
I went on to have.. well, my first marathon, which was very slow, and which featured me walking several miles with an injured friend. Which meant that my SECOND marathon, where I was a better runner and ran my own race, was a HUGE PR for me. :)
Therese - you will not be a failure, no matter how it turns out. You are making a difference. I can say that as a blood cancer survivor. Plus your husband is proud of you, and I doubt you will ruin his vacation. I hope that everything works out, you complete the race without pain or injury, and you have a great time. But if for some reason you cannot finish, you have given it your best shot. Be proud of all you have accomplished. Work with your coaches during the taper, and see a sports medicine doctor if need be.
I don't know you, we've never met, but I am proud of you. Thanks for doing TNT and raising money to fight blood cancers. Remember, the fundraising in itself is a marathon, in many ways tougher than the event, and you have done great with that. Good luck with the remainder of your training. Art
Post a Comment